I've had people message me and ask me what the purpose of all the giveaways is. I honestly had this idea in my head to just do 12 days. I even posted saying I would do 12 days. Something in my heart kept telling me to do more. Just pulling out my inner Oprah (still working on the hair)!
When I was 15 my family was in a tragic accident. On our way to my great-grandma's funeral, a gravel truck driver pulled out in front of my dad on the four lane. Not having enough time to react, he tried avoiding the gravel truck driver by driving into the other lane, where a semi ended up hitting us from behind. I blacked out when it happened and didn't wake until a police officer was talking to me through the shattered window. I saw my dad lying on the street in front of our van, gone..and heard my brother Jordan say "I can't feel my feet". My oldest brother James and I stayed in a local hospital while Jordan was taken to Des Moines. I remember our Pastor being the one to officially tell us my dad was killed. I don't know if anyone is ever prepared to hear that. There was some Godly peace that was brought over me at the time though. I remember thinking he is safe. I remember lying in my hospital room looking out the window and the sun shining for the first time in days. I remember thanking God for that.
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| January 1990 |
I would be lying if I said I never felt cheated in life. There's been days I see people with their dads and have an enormous amount of jealousy. I have friends who I literally would adopt their dads as my own, because I see how great their relationship still is. I thought the hard part was not having a dad to share Father's Day with, his birthday, the holidays..but the hard part hadn't even happened yet. The hard part was giving birth to Ryne, to Reed, to Rhett and not having my dad there to hold them. Or when I went to my OB appointments and would hear their little heartbeats, wishing my dad's was still beating too. He would have been a great Papi. I always remind myself that he probably was holding them before I was.
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| 90s Christmas! Look at my jumpsuit! |
It's strange how much one person's life is forever altered by what happened to them when they were 15. I know I could have been depressed, I could have given up, but I chose to be happy. I remember my mom telling me I can allow myself 5 minutes of the day to feel sorry for myself, and the rest I need to live and be happy. I still live that advice as best as I can.
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| January 2005. A month before my dad passed away. |
My brother Jordan is a quadriplegic as a result of our accident, but if you didn't see him in a wheelchair, you'd never know. He is so funny, smart and a hard worker. Both my brothers are the best uncles to the boys and I always feel grateful I have them.
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| September 2012 Our wedding! |
The Thanksgiving before my dad died, he ended up stuffing the turkey! He was so proud. Proud enough that if he had a bucket list, stuffing a turkey would have been on it.
I miss him every day, but I always wish I could stuff that turkey with him every Thanksgiving.
Grief. It's hard to describe because it's never the same. People can go through the same loss, but grieve in completely different ways. I have chosen to find thanks through grief. The number of people who helped my family through prayers, time spent with us, donations, and opening their home is too many to count. Most of those people I am still in contact with and always hope they know how appreciative I am. The people I'm not in contact with anymore I am still thankful for the ways they helped me through a difficult time in my life.
There are so many blessings even if sometimes they're hard to see. I am so grateful for my family, a kind and supporting husband, three sweet & ornery boys, a safe home and food on our table. We are blessed more than I could have ever imagined. I wanted to give back and do giveaways as a way to say thank you to everyone who follows our family, to the neighbors and friends I was lucky to have growing up, the community who pulled together for my family during a tragic time, and the new friends I've made that love me for the person I am.
Reed was born the day before the 10th anniversary of my dad's death, and Reed's resemblance and personality is eerily similar to my dad's. I know that was not a mistake. I know it was to remind me he is with me every day.
Anyone who is suffering this year from a loss, from a broken heart, from something that you still cannot speak of, you are not alone. My heart is with you, and I pray that you can find thanks through grief.
Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
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Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my life: family, childhood friends, lifelong friends, new friends, and friends I haven't met. I am grateful for you.
xoxo
J
XOXO❤❤❤
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